We Weren’t Ready (For the Rapture)

The rapture came. They left. We stayed. Turns out, paradise is a lot more fun when the televangelists are gone and the jazz musicians still jamming. Left behind, better off.

“We Weren’t Ready” is a satirical anthem for the joyfully left behind: a cheeky cabaret romp through post-rapture peace, communal rebuilding, and the quiet thrill of inheriting your neighbor’s house. It’s cheeky, theatrical, and just sincere enough to make you wonder maybe declining salvation was the most human thing we ever did. This is a satire that winks, shrugs, and gives a heartfelt wish that heaven is everything they hoped for.

For fans of irony, ritual, and lyrics that punch up with love and says most sincerely “Wishing you well (from earth).

Verse
I heard the rapture was today
Some folks got excited
People gathered in the park
But I was not invited
Some sold their cars, dropped off the kids
And many quit their jobs
They yelled at us so we’d repent
But scoffed behind fake sobs

Chorus
If that’s the group that’s leaving
I’m staying here behind
You won’t see me grieving
I’m happy I declined
This world will be much better
For those who stay right here
Maybe now we can be rid of
Their hatred and their fear

Verse
Tonight I heard the trumpets call
And to my great surprise
Jesus kept his vow to all
The Christians won the prize
And then my thoughts were reeling
So much was on my mind
I could have my neighbor’s house
Cause I was left behind

Chorus
If that’s the group that’s leaving
I’m staying here behind
You won’t see me grieving
I’m happy I declined
He took the televangelists
And left the jazz musicians
We got to keep the movie stars
He took the politicians

Bridge
It took many months to figure out
Just who was gone and who was not
All nations worked together then
And found new ways to start again
We threw out all the holy books
Because he’d taken all the crooks
The temples opened up their doors
And put an end to holy wars

Outro
The fascists were all taken
I’m glad I stayed behind
It’s true, we were mistaken
But I’m happy we declined
He left us with the Humanists
The scientists, as well
The world is much more peaceful
As far as I can tell